3 AM
by the.eye.does.not.SEE
Summary: Baby, it's 3 AM; I must be lonely... Mark gets a late-night call from someone he can't stop thinking about. He agrees without even stopping to think, and she sounds relieved as she lays out the parameters. 3:15, Archfield Hotel, side entrance.
1. Chapter 1

Title: 3 AM

Inspiration: The song "3 AM" by Matchbox Twenty came on the radio _twice _today… Obviously, I couldn't just let that go unnoticed. _Baby, it's 3 AM, I must be lonely… _I mean, come on. Who could pass that up?

Summary: From the bits and pieces I've seen of last week's episode, I've formulated a little variation of that last scene with Lexie and Derek (and beyond).

**_._**

**_She said, "It's cold outside," and she hands me my raincoat._**

**_She's always worried about things like that._**

**_Well, she said, "It's all gonna end," then it might as well be my fault._**

**_._**

Mark Sloan is lying alone in bed, his eyes shut closed. He's trying to sleep—he's been trying to sleep for the last hour—but it hasn't come. Now, he knows, he's simply pretending. And he knows why, though he'd never admit it to anyone who asked.

Well, he might admit it to one person. But she'd never ask.

_I miss you too._

Sometimes he thinks he made that up. There's no way she actually said it. But then he recalls the way she smiled, the way her eyes lit up, the almost relieved ring her voice had…

_I miss you too._

He reaches up, putting a hand over his eyes.

"I have a girlfriend," he mumbles to himself, as if saying it aloud would make the statement more true. Or would make her, the other_ her_, disappear from his head.

When he squeezes his eyes shut, he can still see her. The almost startled way she spoke, how they were both trying to reassure each other of things that barely mattered…

_I don't make you uncomfortable do I?_

He never added the latter half of that statement that had been swirling around in his head. _You make me uncomfortable._ _I can barely look at you, and then when I do, I can't look away…_ He groans quietly to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose. He drops his hand a moment later, looking to his left. For a second, the empty sheets beside him are filled and he isn't alone anymore.

There's a smiling, happy woman lying there.

But it's not his girlfriend.

He shuts his eyes again, trying to fall asleep again and pretending that didn't just happen. Neither works.

.

**_And she only sleeps when it's raining_**

**_And she screams, and her voice is strained_**

.

"Look, Lexie, I have to put Zola to bed…" Derek eyes his sister-in-law seriously, still worried for her after the talk they had. "Are you going to be okay?"

Lexie Grey nods, forcing a bright smile. "I'll be fine, Derek, thank you."

He sighs quietly, looking down to his daughter. "Look," he begins, "I know things are really hard right now—"

"They're not _hard,_ Derek," Lexie cuts in, unable to help herself, "they're _impossible._ You don't—You don't—" She groans, ducking her head down. "You just don't get it, okay? So stop trying."

"I completely get it."

His calm, honest voice forces her to look up again. "Meredith?" She mumbles, already knowing the answer.

He nods. "So I get it, okay? I know what you're going through."

"Yes, but how do I get _through _it? How do I end it?"

Derek hefts his daughter in his arms, getting to his feet. "Either you stop caring—" Lexie scoffs, rolling her eyes and silently declaring that option unacceptable "—or you tell him."

Lexie closes her eyes, looking down. "I already told you that didn't work."

"Try harder."

"I—I can't! God, Derek, I _have_ _tried_—!"

"No, you haven't." He pauses, staring down at her. "You tried to talk to him in the hospital right?" Lexie nods. He frowns at her. "In public, in front of all those nurses and doctors… All those people staring at you, watching you, waiting for what you're going to say…" He shakes his head, holding back a laugh. "Lexie, this isn't the sort of thing meant for a public reveal, okay? If you want to actually do it—and do it _right_—you need to be alone with him, okay? He's supposed to be the only one staring at you, watching you, waiting to hear what you're going to say… This is something meant for his ears only, so make sure that's what happens."

The wishful hope that had been on Lexie's face while Derek spoke faded and crumbled away after he finished. Derek's eyes narrowed at her, confused at her rapid change in confidence. "He has a girlfriend," she mutters by way of explanation.

"Oh, a _girlfriend_," Derek mocks, rolling his eyes.

Lexie glares up at him menacingly; he smiles briefly down at her before she can get too angry.

"She's his girlfriend, Lexie," he continues. "_Girlfriend,_" he stresses. "Not fiancée, not wife… They don't even live together. And you better convince him quick before she becomes any of those things, Lexie. Because he _will _settle for second best if it's offered to him. And Julia's a great person, sure, but trust me—in this situation, she does not mean that much. Not compared to you and what you mean to him. You're his first choice, Lexie, you always have been."

Lexie smiles a little at his words. "Th—Thank you, Derek. That was, um… That means a lot. What you said." She pauses. After a few seconds, she can't help but laugh. "But it was a little harsh, don't you think?"

He smiles, happy to at least be able to draw a bit of a smile out of the heartbroken girl. "I tell it like it is, Little Grey." He adjusts Zola in his arms, looking down at his watch. "And I've gotta go to bed, I'm sorry."

Lexie waves him away, watching as he goes.

"You'll be okay?" He calls from the stairs.

"I'll be okay," Lexie confirms. "Thank you, Derek."

**_._**

**_She says, "Baby,_**

**_it's 3 AM; I must be lonely."_**

**_._**

Hours and hours later, like a gift from God, the phone rings to distract him from his insomnia. He stares at the lit up screen in the dark, narrowing his eyes against the bright shine. It takes him only a split second to recognize the number. He picks it up without even pausing to think, feeling fear rush through his body.

"Derek?" He asks immediately. "Meredith? Are you okay?"

"It's, um…"

He feels his body clamp up at her voice. The terror dissipates… But he could swear his quickened heartbeat doesn't slow.

"It's not… It's Lexie."

It takes him a few seconds to reply. "Hey, Lex."

"I—I thought you'd be asleep…" Her nervous voice gives her words away as a polite lie. "You're awake?"

"I'm, uh…"He brings a hand to his eyes, trying not to imagine her lying next to him again. Her voice is only fuels his imaginations, and when this call ends, he knows it will be worse than before. "I'm having a hard time sleeping tonight."

"Right."

He can hear the tenseness in her voice, and he frowns. "Is there a reason you called, Lex?"

She laughs nervously on the other side of the phone, and, briefly, he wonders how long she's been awake. _As long as me?_ "I know this is going to sound crazy and ridiculous and you're going to…" She trails off. "Just—would you meet me somewhere?"

Mark's forehead creases in confusion; this is _not _what he'd been expecting. He shifts his arm out from under him, glancing to his watch. _3:02 AM._ "Now?"

"Uhm… Yeah? I—I just, I have something I have to tell you."

He feel his heart pick up double-time, and he once again recalls her words from before. _I miss you too._ He agrees without even stopping to think, and she sounds relieved as she lays out the parameters. _3: 15, Archfield Hotel, side entrance._

"You remember where that is, right?" She's almost breathless when she asks the question, and he can't help but smile. Immediately, his mind is flooded with memories, recalling the hundreds of times they'd snuck in and out of that concealed entrance together.

"Of course I remember, Little Grey."

**_._**

**_When she says, "Baby,"_**

**_Well, I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes._**

**_And the rain's gonna wash away, I believe it._**

**_._**

She beats him there. _Though, _he thinks to himself as he shuts the driver's door, _that's only because you sat inside your car for five minutes after parking. _Too scared to stay, too scared to go. Just hopeful enough to get out of the car.

"Hey."

She turns at the sound of his footsteps crossing the wet parking lot; her voice echoes across the empty space. Her hair flips over her shoulder as she does so; he tries not to take notice of how beautiful she looks. But that's hard to do when there's that wide of a smile on her face. His returning one, he's sure, is the same size, if not even bigger.

"Hi," he replies, slowing to a stop just a few feet from her. He chances a quick glance around, pleasantly surprised to see that things look exactly the same as the last time they were here together, which was almost three years ago. _God_. He closes his eyes at the thought. _How has it been that long?_ And the next thought: _How is that we've been apart most of that time?_ He forces himself to feel guilty for the third, though even he can't feel _all _bad about thinking it: _How is it that we're _still _apart? Even now?_

"So, why'd you call?"

Lexie spares him a small smile, but doesn't answer. Instead, she studies her surroundings as well, taking them in in all their unchanged glory. There's the one hanging bright light, directly above them. The faded blue mat, where only _Field Hotel _can be read. The worn and rain-soaked ivy curving up the side of the building. The small, single automatic door, leading off into a curving hallway. No security guard, no doorman… _If you want to actually do it—and do it _right_—you need to be alone with him. He's supposed to be the only one staring at you, watching you, waiting to hear what you're going to say… This is something meant for his ears only._ Lexie hopes there aren't any security cameras—there are none that she can see—but, she knows, someone is no doubt watching and recording their meeting. She brushes the thought away. No matter what, someone will always be around. Someone will always know.

And suddenly, she just doesn't care anymore. Suddenly, she's more desperate to be close to him than scared of the rejection he might offer her.

"There's something I need to tell you, Mark."

.

**_She's got a little bit of something,_**

**_God, it's better than nothing._**

.

He attempts to force his heart to stop trying to beat its way out of his chest. _I miss you too. I miss you too. I miss you too._ He plasters his usual smirk on his face as he stares at her. "At 3 AM?"

He notices how it seems like she can't help but smile back. "I said it was something I _need _to tell you, not that it's something I _want _to tell you."

He can't stop his heart from speeding up this time. "So need equates 3 AM?" He wants to hit himself in the head. _What am I even saying?_

But she smiles back, undeterred by what can only be an innuendo behind his words. "Uh, yeah, I guess it does. It should've equaled 10 AM this morning, but I couldn't exactly get the words out then."

He takes a moment to breathe. _I miss you too. _"What words?"

.

Lexie stares at him. She feels the world around her freeze, fade away, and just like Derek said… _He's supposed to be the only one staring at you, watching you, waiting to hear what you're going to say..._

_ He's here, _Lexie realizes, and it hits her all of the sudden. _He's here. At 3 AM, in the dead of night, he's here. He must know what I'm going to say—What other reason is there to call someone at 3 AM? On some level, he must want it too. Oh, God… _She feels like crying or laughing or… She bites her lip, forces the hysteria down, and stares into his eyes.

"I'm still in love with you, Mark."

**_._**

**_In her color-portrait world, she believes she's got it all_**

**_._**

Mark Sloan feels his breath stop moving on its way to his lungs.

And instead of the world twisting sideways, instead of having everything he'd ever known turned upside-down at her confession… Everything is righted. With those six words, everything returns to its assigned place. All at once, all over, he feels—

"You are?"

She's about to nod—he can see it in the tilt of her head, but instead, she stops mid-gesture and simply replies, "Yes." He can't remember a time where she sounded more confident, more sure of herself.

"And this—" He pauses to breathe. "This wasn't some revelation? This wasn't a sudden spur-of-the-moment _I-need-him _3 AM—"

She shakes her head. "No. No, I've…" He feels warmth flood his body when a small smile turns up her lips. "I've known for a long time. I've felt it for a long time, forever, but I just—I couldn't say it. I tried." She groans, closing her eyes. "I mean, _God, _Mark_, _I _really tried._ But I just couldn't. Every time I saw you, every time we spoke…" She shrugs, helpless. "I didn't want to ruin it, you know? We were finally getting back on track and I… I was just too chicken. I couldn't say it."

"But now?" He swallows. "Now you… you can? You can say it?"

She laughs quietly, and her lips spread in a wide smile just like they did yesterday afternoon. _I miss you too. _"Well, I already did, didn't I? Or did you not hear?"

He grins back. "Oh, I heard."

The both freeze in place for a moment, and suddenly he realizes: this is his moment. This is his time to say something. He _has _to say something. The right thing.

.

She watches him think. She watches him piece together what he's going to say in his head, she watches as he mouths the words to himself. The minutes pass by, but not once does she think of rushing him. Not once does she tap her foot in anxiety, not once does she sigh impatiently… Because she knows, just as he does, that doing the right thing takes time. It takes commitment.

And they're the right thing. It can't be denied any longer.

So, finally, when he clears his throat…

She feels like it's happening all too fast. She feels like they're rushing things—_Hell, _she _knows _they're rushing things. What kind of girl calls an ex-boyfriend at 3 in the morning? And what kind of ex-boyfriend picks up? Why are they both so insane? What is even happening—

_No, not insane, _a part of her argues softly. _Just in love. She still loves him and she can't ignore it anymore. And he… He…_

_._

**_She swears the moon don't hang quite as high as it used to_**

_._

Mark hears her draw a breath. He stares at her, waiting a moment for her to catch up. When her brown eyes meet his, he gives her a small nod. Her lips lift just slightly in gratitude.

"Believe it or not," he begins softly, "I still love you too, Lex."

He watches as her lips curl up in a wide smile, before twisting down as she tries to hide the happiness their configuration betrays and finally, her hand comes up to cover her mouth entirely, as if embarrassed for how obviously she shows her happiness. "You mean that?" She whispers around her fingers.

"Of course I meant it." He gives her a small smile. "When have I ever said something I didn't mean?"  
He hears her soft, stunned laugh, watches her smile. "I guess I'm the liar in our relationship, it seems."

"As long as you're not lying to me right now, I don't really care if you've done it in the past."

"But you have to care," she replies, more seriously than he'd expected, "because my lies are what kept us apart."

"No offense, Lexie, but I don't really think it would have been a good idea for us to have been together back then." _I love you, and I'm always going to love you… But I don't _want _to love you. _"Plus," he continues a moment later, "Only one-third of that statement was a lie." He raises his eyebrows in inquiry, though they both know the answer. "Right?"

Her hand drops, baring her bright smile for all—namely, _him_—to see. "Right."

"So…" He draws out the word, stepping closer and reaching out for her hand. Her fingers feel warm and her hand is welcoming when he links their knuckles together. "You still love me, I still love you…" He smiles down at her, his blue eyes twinkling. "What are we ever going to do with this unsolvable situation?"

.

**_And she only sleeps when it's raining_**

.

She grins at his words, clutching his hand tighter. "I don't know," she murmurs. "All I can think of is…" She glances to the clear-glass door on her right. "Do you know if the Archfield will take room requests at 4 in the morning?"

He can't help but smile. "I, actually, have no idea. Want to find out?"

Lexie nods rapidly; her excitement makes her head bob up and down but she doesn't care enough to be embarrassed about how she looks anymore. Not in front of him, not after what he said. Without a thought, she steps away, tugging on his hand as she heads towards the entrance. When he doesn't immediately follow after her, she tugs a bit harder on his hand, trying to capture his attention.

She feels her heart grow cold and her body numb when he looks down. _Oh, God. Oh, Jesus. _She can already see the apology in his eyes. _Please, no. Please not now. Please, please, please._

"Mark…"

.

**_And she screams, and her voice is strained_**

.

He looks over when he hears a weak, cracking sound, surprised to discover that it's emanating out of her mouth. He stares at her in astonishment for a moment before wondering aloud, "What's wrong?"

Her loving demeanor from seconds ago has vanished. All that's left is something cold and hard; unwelcoming and unyielding. "You tell me."

"I… I don't know," he manages, staring at her in incomprehension. He has no idea what he did to deserve this shift in sentiment. "But…I was thinking…"

She sighs, looking down. "Just spit it out already, please."

"We should go in the front door."

Her head snaps up; she looks almost as bewildered as he feels. "Wha… What?"

"The front entrance," he replies, speaking slowly as if she's unable to comprehend his words. "We should go there instead of the side one." They both glance briefly to the door in question. "The side's for luggage and pets and smoke breaks and sneaking around…" He pauses, smiling hopefully and squeezing her hand. "And we're past the sneaking around phase, aren't we?"

.

**_And she says, "Baby…"_**

.

She can barely think, she's so relieved. Her hand moves to cover her mouth in astonishment. She steps forward with hope. And she stretches her legs, pressing her lips to his, with love. With _I'm-still-in-love-with-you _love. With unbreakable love, unshakable love, endless love.

.

**_"It's 3 AM; I must be lonely."_**

.

"Do you want to go inside?" He asks softly, not even two seconds after her lips have left his.

She closes her eyes, smiling. "What, you aren't even going to take me to dinner first?"

He grins, chuckling as she falls back to her usual height. "Judging by how our previous encounters have worked out, no, I'm not going to take you to dinner. Let's just get down to business."

"Man-whore," she snickers with a smile.

"Slut."

Her mouth opens wide in fake-outrage and genuine surprise. "How _dare _you—I am a _lady_—"

He bends down, silencing her "insulted" laughter with a kiss. This one is slower, deeper, longer… Her free hand reaches up to cup the back of his neck as the kiss goes on and on; while his burrows in her long hair, she sighs into his skin. She stretches so far up on her legs, she's half-worried she'll pull a muscle in her effort to get closer to him. He bends his neck down so harshly to meet her lips as deep as he can that he's certain he'll have an ache come morning…

"Wanna be my lady?" He asks when their lips part. His voice is low and gravelly, somehow coming across as sexy even when joking.

She can't help but roll her eyes at his words, pretending to gag at his words. "You make me want to puke!"

"In a good way or a bad way?" He questions seriously.

"How is there a good way?" she smiles, laughing. Her eye catches his. "Let's just go inside, okay?"

"Okay," he replies, squeezing her hand and leading the way through the dark, rain-slicked parking lot to the shining front entrance.

.

**_And she says, "Baby, it's 3 AM; I must be lonely."_**

**_And, heavens, when she says, "Baby," _**

**_Well, I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes._**

**_And the rain's gonna wash away, _**

**_I believe…_**

**_this._**

.

_Author's Note: To be continued…? Please be awesome and leave me a review!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

_Author's Note: Thank you all for the reviews! Here is the second chapter:_

.

4:08 AM

.

"You sure about this?" His voice is soft and quiet. He speaks so tentatively, and it takes Lexie a moment to realize why: he thinks he's in danger of her running out at any second. She stops where she is at the thought, turning to stare at him in confusion. _That's _my _danger_, she thinks, confused, _not yours. It's always been me on the verge of losing you, never the other way around. Never._

"Of course I'm sure," she replies after a second. Her voice, just at its usual decibel, sounds loud in the empty lobby. She glances over his shoulder to check, but the receptionist they got their room key from is too busy with her game of solitaire to pay their conversation any mind.

The elevator _bings _its arrival a moment later, and they step onto the lift in silence. Mark hits the button for the twelfth floor, and Lexie takes his hand, wrapping it in hers, when it falls back to his side.

_Don't ask me again, _she thinks but doesn't quite have the guts to say. She squeezes his hand anyway, wondering if he'll get the message.

.

4:10 AM

.

"Well," Mark begins quietly, holding open the door for her with an extended arm. "Here we are."

"Here we are," Lexie murmurs, walking past him into the room. He follows after her, watching with interest as her eyes seem to survey ever inch of the room.

"It's not the same, you know."

Lexie looks over her shoulder, her eyebrows raised as if surprised to hear him speak.

"It's not the same as that first night," he continues a moment later. "The rooms are similar, but they're not the same."

"No, I know." She runs her hand against the wall before looking down with a smile. "I just… I couldn't help wondering…"

He steps forward, wrapping his arms around her midsection and pulling her tight against him in one fluid grab. He rests his hands above one another atop her flat stomach. "I know," he murmurs, his lips near her ear, "I was thinking of that night, too."

She turns her head, meeting his eyes just briefly with her half-lidded ones before their lips fuse together. It doesn't take more than one minute for her to start fumbling for the zipper on his jacket, to spin around in his arms, to press her lips, her chest, her body against his…

She touches him, and in return he touches her, and for a time, nothing else exists but that room on the twelfth floor and nothing else matters save for the two people within it.

.

_"I've missed you."_

_ He smiles, brushing her hair to the side and bending down to kiss the back of her shoulder blade. "I've missed you too."_

_ "Have you?" She turns around and her long hair spins out around her in a small circle. Her eyes search his, desperate. "Have you really missed me?"_

_ He nods, a little too caught off-guard by the intensity in her voice to manage a real reply._

_ "Because…" She glances down, but from the way her eyes fall, he knows she's only training them on the ground. "When I said I missed you, I meant it. Mark, you're—you're all I've thought about for months. And…" She sighs, raising her eyes. "And you don't need to lie and say that I'm all you've thought about for non-stop months because we both know that isn't true."_

_ "But I have thought about you."_

_ His low, deep voice sends tingles across her skin. It's only a minute later, when the goose bumps have faded, that she's able to process what he's said. "You've thought about me?" She asks, staring up at him. She never even thought that was possible. "Really, you have?"_

_ "Yeah," he nods. "I have." He reaches out for her with both hands, supporting her jaw and cheekbones firmly with gentle fingers. "You're the reason I was lying awake at 3 AM when you called, Lexie." He hears her breath catch softly. He can't help but smile. "Ask me why you were the reason, Lex." He tips his chin encouragingly at her when she hesitates to repeat his words._

_ "Why was I the reason?" She asks quietly._

_ "Because," he begins, taking a step closer, "you've been on my mind all night. Ever since you told me you missed me too…" His lips spread in a warm smile. "Lexie, when I couldn't get to sleep tonight, it was because of you. It was because I was imaging you, lying naked next to me in bed. I was imagining _you _with _me._"_

_ He watches as she sucks her lower lip into her mouth, biting down hard and turning the rosy skin white under pressure. "Really?" She whispers. The word comes out a squeak. She reaches up, trailing her hands from his biceps to his neck before stopping to cup his cheeks. "Were you really?"_

_ He closes his eyes, and she can feel him lean, ever so slightly, into her touch. She stares at his face in her hands. "I was," he whispers. His eyes flicker open to find hers. She can see the smirk in his eyes before it appears on his face. "And you should know…"He adjusts his grip, slipping one hand behind to cup the back of her neck. The other strokes her cheek softly as he pulls her close for a kiss. "You are so damn _distracting _when you're naked."_

_._

_ She falls against his side with a half-laugh half-gasp escaping her mouth. Her body bounces lightly on the mattress, and before she can fall away from him, his arm curls out to wrap around her back and hold her close. He's out of breath and so is she, but their resulting kiss is long and engaged anyway. They're panting when they finally manage to pull away for real breaths._

_ Not ready to let go, though, yet, Lexie leans forward, pressing kisses to his cheeks and neck. He smiles as she does so, letting his eyes fall closed. He wraps his other arm around her, rolling over until she's lying flat on her back beneath him. He braces with his elbows, slipping his hands into that small space between her back and the sheets to run them all over her still-sweaty skin._

_ Unable to hold himself away any longer, he collapses down against her, burying his head deep into the junction of her neck and shoulder, the space perfumed by the luscious and overpowering scent of her hair. "I love you so…" He mumbles against her collarbone. His hands crisscross behind her back, clutching her so close she's unsure if she can even breathe. A second later, she realizes it doesn't matter._

_ "So?" She manages when she can, still struggling for breath. "You love me so?" Her tinkling laugh makes him smile against her warm skin._

_ "Much," comes the mumbled addition from deep in his throat. "I love you so _much_."_

_ "Ah, there it is."_

_ "I'm a little overwhelmed right now," he mutters, "I'm sorry if I can't think straight."_

_ "Oh, it's okay." She braces herself, flexing her thighs and calves for a second—and just like that, they've rolled over again; he lets out an audible "—oof" when his back hits the mattress. She smiles down at him from above, bending down to press her lips against his. Her hair falls down too, tickling his skin and hypersensitive nerves. "I love you so, too," she whispers against his lips._

_ He mumbles, "Much," back at her, but, lost in the kiss she is, he's unsure if she even heard it. Her arm moves to wrap around his head, her hand burrowing in the small hairs at the base of his neck, and when he pulls her close, he realizes that talking isn't important right now. It's actions that rule the night, and their actions say everything that could ever need to be said._

.

5: 48 AM

.

"I've never done that before." She stares down at the sheets when she speaks. One hand fiddles with the other, picking at her nails and the skin around her cuticles. "I've never… I've never been a cheater before now."

Mark's watching her with knots tying up his stomach. He wishes he could apologize. He wishes he could say he was sorry for making her into that, for making her something she shouldn't be, for corrupting her in yet another way… But he knows he'd be lying if he even _tried _to apologize. He values what happened here tonight too much to throw it away for something as changeable and useless as morals. "Are you trying to tell me you didn't want this to happen?"

She shakes her head. "No. _No."_ She takes a quiet breath, exhales it, and finally lifts her head to look over at him. Her hands break apart. "No, I wanted this to happen. I called you. I suggested we come inside, I kissed you, I just…"

"It was bad?"

"Of course it wasn't bad." She frowns. "Don't be stupid." She stares into his eyes. "I just… I don't know, I thought I would feel guilty during… I thought I would have this moment of regret or—or a point where I stopped and thought, 'Wait, what are we doing?' …But that never came. I never stopped. I—" Her voice falters as she realizes. "I never even paused, I…" She looks down the sheets again. "I guess I thought this was _right _or something."

"Arguably," he replies softly, "it was right."

She shakes her head slowly. "It wasn't, though." She looks over to him. "We love each other, I know, and I—I never want to be apart from you after this, but Mark… That doesn't make this right. That doesn't make this okay."

"I'm going to tell her."

"I know you're going to tell her," Lexie whispers. "But maybe…" She swallows. "Maybe we—Maybe _I—_should have been considerate. Of her. Maybe I should have waited until—until you were no longer with her. I should've held back. I shouldn't have called."

"She doesn't love me, Lexie."  
Lexie sighs sadly, shaking her head. "There's no way you could know that, Mark, unless she told you different." She sighs quietly. "And even—even if you're right, that doesn't make this—it doesn't make when we did—any less wrong."

"Well, it felt right to me," he observes quietly.

"Mark…" She closes her eyes as she whispers his name. "You know I didn't mean it like that. You—You know what this meant to me."

"Do I?"

Lexie opens her eyes to find his eyebrows drawn together warily.

"You should," she replies in a soft whisper. "By now, you should. You should know what you mean to me—how much I love you, what I would do to keep you…" She looks down at the sheets again, staring the evidence behind her words right in the face. "It felt right to me, too," she mumbles to the bedspread. "With you, it—it always feels right. Nothing has ever felt _more_ right." Her eyes rise slowly to meet his. "But just because it _felt _right, Mark, doesn't mean it actually _was _right."

He doesn't reply because there's nothing to say. They don't speak for a while.

.

_5:10 AM_

_._

"I don't love her, you know." He speaks so quietly it's like he's breaking their silence with more silence. "She might love me—I don't know—but I do know that _I _don't love her, Lex."

"I know," she whispers back.

He turns onto his side to look her full on the face, even though she seems to be preoccupied with staring at the ceiling. "I love _you_."

She nods. Her voice is a bit shakier than before when she speaks. "I know."

He reaches out, tracing the curve of her cheek delicately with his fingertips. The minutes pass silently for a time before he speaks. "Do you want to go home?"

She shakes her head. "No."

"Do you want me to go, then?"

She finally cracks a smile. "And leave me here all alone? I don't think so."

He sighs softly; she watches his chest rise and fall in front of her. "So what is it, then?" _What's bothering you? How can I fix it?_

"It's just…" She closes her eyes, and her voice lowers to a near-whisper. "I don't feel anything, Mark."

He stares at her, his blue eyes filling with the confusion he uses to mask the hurt. "Do you mean you feel… numb? Emp…Empty?" _How could you feel nothing after what just happened between us?_

"No, I…" She exhales sharply, propping herself up in bed. "I don't feel guilty, Mark."

His eyes fall closed. He can't help but feel relieved. "Lexie…"

"For what we did," she whispers hoarsely, "I don't feel guilty. And I've—I've had plenty of time to think about it, to analyze what I've done. I've had all night, all morning…" She shakes her head, and he watches what he could swear were tears swimming in her eyes. "I haven't stopped thinking about what we did since we did it. I—I've gone over it in my head, and I—I _know _it was wrong. I _know _it will hurt her. But I…" She shakes her head, and he feels his heart clench when the movement dislodges a few of the tears in her eyes. They leave bright, wet streaks down either side of her face. "After," she manages to whispers, "after, when I opened my eyes and I saw you lying next to me…" He holds his breath, terrified of the rejection that he knows is coming. "All I felt was relief."

His breath escapes him in one grateful gust.

"What?" He manages to ask, his head already swimming with her sweet words.

"I—I know what we did was wrong," she begins. "Even when I was starting it, I knew I was doing the wrong thing. I know it was awful." She takes a shaky breath. "And I know it's going to hurt her. How much, I can't be sure, but I do know: it's going to hurt. But even so, even though I know all that… I still don't feel guilty. Why…" She swallows, staring into his eyes in desperation. "Why don't I feel guilty, Mark?"

"Because…" A smile flickers on his lips; like her, he can't help but feel relieved. "Because, Lexie…" He reaches over to touch her face; his fingertips grazing her jawbone. "There's nothing to feel guilty about, baby."

She shakes her head vehemently, knocking his hand away. He lets it fall, knowing better than to replace it just now. "Stop," she mutters quietly. "Stop trying to tell me what we did was okay simply because we love each other."

"I didn't say that."

"But you were going to."

He sighs slowly, appraising her. "Are we really having a fight over why you _don't _feel guilty about what happened last night?"

"This morning," Lexie corrects. "And…" She pauses, about to say yes. "No," she mutters after a moment, realizing how futile such a conversation is. _The guilt will come when it comes, _she reminds herself. _And I'm sure when it really does hit, you won't want it anymore than you pretend to now._ "Forget it, I don't want to fight. Let's just… Let's go to sleep, okay?"

He nods, mimicking her movements and lying back against the pillows. The room goes dark a moment later when she flicks off the lights. They lapse into silence again, and though he tries to speak, Mark can't quite find the words to make it all better. He wonders if he ever even had them in the first place.

He knows things won't ever really be okay until he's broken things off with Julia. He _knows_ this. Yet, still… He wishes there was something he could say to her, something he could tell her, to make things better.

He stares at the ceiling, he stares at the inside of his eyelids, and he stares at her.

The words never come.

So he leaves the silence alone, lies beside her, and waits, once again, for sleep to come.

.

_6:30 AM_

.

Their cell phones start ringing at the same time.

"Time for work," Lexie murmurs from the other side of the bed as she turns off her alarm.

Mark does the same with his phone, agreeing quietly: "Time for work."

He looks over his shoulder, watching her for a silent minute. Her dark, tangled hair falls halfway down her back from where she sits on the edge of the other side of the bed. She shifts in place, and he watches as the muscles in her back move, watches how her naked body curves.

He reaches over the sheets a moment later, touching her arm lightly. She turns her head at his touch, but he can't see anything—good or bad—in her expression.

He speaks quietly, quickly, the better to get the words across. "I'm going to tell her, okay? Give me an hour for rounds and then I'll find her."

Lexie nods, looking away and hanging her head. He closes his eyes at the sight of her, feeling his heart lurch.

"Please," he murmurs, shifting across the bed, "please don't feel guilty for this."

She shakes her head, and when she eventually lifts her eyes to meet his, all he can see is the defeat in her face. "You know as well as I do that isn't the problem, Mark," she replies softly.

"Lex…"

But she just shakes her head and turns away again. He thinks better of trying to press the subject, thinks better of grabbing her arm again, and gives up at attempting to get her to communicate.

They get dressed without saying a word.

.

_6: 40 AM_

_._

"Don't go," she whispers.

Mark turns his head to find her still sitting on the edge of the bed she was using minutes ago to support herself as she tied her shoes. But she looks different now. Her scared brown eyes are locked with his. She seems to be halfway between sitting and standing, a position that looks just as uncomfortable as he feels.

"Don't go," she whispers again, rising to her feet now. She takes a few steps while he remains rooted to the spot, blindsided by her sudden change of heart. "Please don't go," she whispers, just before taking that last step and pressing her lips to his. Her breath is warm against his face when she pauses halfway through the kiss. "At least not yet."

He closes his eyes, trying not to focus on how he can feel her body move against his, even through all their clothes. Trying not to remember the feel of her, wrapped around him, the feel of her, skin against skin, the _feel of her_— "I have to tell Julia."

"And you will." His eyes open at her soft but confident voice. "You will." She repeats the words more forcefully this time, as if daring him to contradict her.

But he only nods. And, just like she half-hoped he would, he steps back a second later, shrugging out of his jacket and tossing it to the floor. She watches him, frozen to the spot in awe—of what happened last night, of what is about to happen this morning, and of what will hopefully happen for many nights and mornings to come—because she can't quite believe it's happening.

"I will," he replies softly, finding it impossible, once again, to combat her allure. "I'll tell her." He repeats the words confidently, as if getting ready to face her right here and now instead of spouting assurances while running his hands over another woman's skin.

"But for now," she finishes for him, her voice almost inaudible as her hands move to cup his cheeks, "for now, just stay here with me."

He closes his eyes, sighing as he does so. He briefly contemplates not giving in, but it's in vain. He's already given in. He always gives in.

He opens his eyes, and upon finding hers, she takes his hand and squeezes it. He follows her back to bed without another word.

.

He lifts his hands from the sheets, using them to cup her slim hips as her body straddles his only minutes later. She closes her eyes, knowing what's coming. His hands slide up her sides, moving in tandem like a synchronized and very sensual dance. Briefly, they cup her breasts. Her runs his thumbs over her nipples, with just enough pressure to make them harden. He feels how her body rocks against his in response; it's an unconscious movement, he knows, but engaging all the same. If there was a moment to go back before, it's gone for good now.

His hands move higher, tracing the curve of her shoulders and neck, finally stopping when they cup her cheeks.

"I love you." He whispers the words, and it's that hard confession, gentled by emotion, that makes her eyes flicker open. He repeats the words again, holding her warm brown gaze with his.

She gives him a small, tired smile. He has to watch her lips when she speaks; only half of the words are audible. "I… love you too." She stares into his eyes, and they both know that she's giving permission. Reassurance. A promise that things will be okay, things will work out. _Let's just get through this day, this hour, this minute. _Let's just_ do this._

When his body enters hers a moment later, neither pauses to contemplate the right or wrong of it all. No; they simply move together, letting themselves get lost in the love they feel for each other. Mark sits up, wraps his arms around her back, and pushes her backwards with his body until she's the one lying against the bedspread. Her legs move to link together behind him automatically, and he sees, staring down at her as they share this moment together, how blissfully happy she looks. How peaceful.

"_Mark_…" His name escapes her parted lips desperately, like a strangled cry for help. It's a half-moan, half-whisper, and all at once, as he bends closer and moves deeper, he understands. He understands why there's no guilt, and why she feels so awful about it… Because in that moment, in that one early morning, he feels it too.

He feels no guilt.

He feels nothing, just like her.

He feels nothing _but_ her.

.

_Author's Note: Hmm… What do you think, will he really tell Julia? And what will she say if he does? Reviews would be amazing and they are always SO appreciated. I don't bite, even if your words do :) I'd love to hear what you all thought of the chapter._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

_Author's Note: Is everyone still breathing? Is everyone okay? Should we do a head-count? Last night was insane. I know it didn't end well, but I'm just happy it's all out in the open now. No one can ignore it. Okay. Take a deep breath._

_Chapter note: Hello, again! Thank you to the reviewers from last chapter; I love hearing what you guys think. I hope you like this chapter as well, it's a big one!_

.

Lexie Grey can _feel _it on her. She can feel it crawling all over her skin and rooting its way through her hair. She wonders if it's written across her face for all to see. She could swear it was branded into her skin.

_Cheater._

She can't help but look around, casting her eye at the crowd of people in the halls. _Don't they see? Can't they tell?_ _They know what I am now, don't they? They—_

"Hey."

She almost jumps out of her skin at the voice.

But Derek Shepherd only smiles. "Hey," he repeats, a quiet laugh in his voice this time. "Are you okay, Little Grey?"

"I—I—I'm fine," she replies, as coherently as she can manage. "I'm fine, Derek, thank you."

"You're a little jumpy," he observes with a smile, accompanying her to the nurses' station as she grabs her charts for the day.

"Well, I…" She swallows, not having any idea what to say. "Maybe I am."

He holds his tongue, waiting until they're out of earshot in the other side of the room. He takes her elbow, pulling her aside. "Is this about Mark?" He asks quietly. "About what you told me last night, about what we talked about?"

Lexie feels her entire body freeze up. It takes her a minute to remember: _He doesn't know._ Then she can breathe again. "N—No," she fumbles. "It's…"

"Lexie, it's _okay,_" he smiles. "It's okay to be nervous, it's okay to be worried about seeing him—"

"I'm—I'm not worried."

He gives her a small smile. "You'll get the words out when the time is right, okay? You don't need to rush it."

"I…" Lexie tries to reply, but she ends up just shutting her mouth. She catches his gaze, nods in understanding, and waits for him to walk away.

.

Mark takes a deep breath. He forces her name out of his mouth before he can back down or turn away without her noticing. "Julia…"

She turns immediately, and automatically, there's a smile on her face. Just from looking at him. "Hey, you."

He forces a polite smile. "Hey."

"Where've you been all morning?" She asks, keeping one eye on the chart she's filling out. "I didn't see you come in for rounds."

_Don't go. Please don't go._

"I had a late start." _Stay here with me. _He watches as she nods in understanding, still paying more attention to her writing than to him. _She doesn't suspect a thing. _He takes a breath, knowing that will only make this harder. "Julia, can I talk to you?"

She grins. "I thought that's what we were doing."

"In private?" He qualifies, holding her gaze until she understands the seriousness behind his voice.

"Sure," she replies, following after him as he leads the way to the nearest on-call room.

.

Lexie watches from the other side of the hall. She holds her breath during their short conversation. She waits for an explosion, she waits for Dr. Canner's eyes to seek out hers… Neither happens.

He walks away and she follows behind him, without even so much as a frown on her face.

From the moment the door closes, Lexie forces herself to take slow, steady breaths.

In, out; in, out.

She closes her eyes.

_And repeat._

.

"So," Julia begins with a smile, sitting down on one of the lower bunks. "I'm going to guess, with that seriously pained look on your face, that you didn't call me in here for sex."

"No, I did not." Inwardly, Mark cringes. His voice sounds cold and detached, even to his desensitized ears. _You can't be this cold, _he reminds himself _You can't act like this. Not now._ He takes a breath, trying to regulate himself, and ends up recalls his promise to Lexie. Every promise. He recalls every little thing he's ever said he would do for her.

And for all the times that he didn't do as he promised, he opens his mouth and he gets the words out.

"I think we need to break up."

.

For a second, he thinks she's going to laugh.

For a second, he thinks even _she _thinks she's going to laugh.

But she doesn't. She can see some ugly dark truth in his eyes, written on his face, hidden in the set of his jaw… And she doesn't laugh. She doesn't even smile, though his ridiculous words make her want to. _They are ridiculous, aren't they? _She feels like laughing again.

"I'm… sorry?"

.

"We need to break up."

Somehow, it wasn't any harder saying it a second time. It wasn't any easier, either. But he said it. He did it.

"…Why?" She's still staring at him like she doesn't understand what he's saying.

"Because I…" He swallows all the lies. "I did something."

She gets to her feet very slowly, holding onto the metal frame of the bed with one hand. He watches how hard she grips the metal; watches her knuckles turn white as she speaks. And even though they both know what he's done, she asks anyway: "What kind of something?"

"I slept with someone."

.

Dr. Julia Canner was warned of this.

She was told something like this would happen.

Debbie, her most trusted scrub nurse, had come to her not one day after their first date. _He can't be trusted, _she had said. _You'll only get hurt and I know that for a fact._ The other woman's concerned green eyes had communicated the subtext as easily as if she'd said it aloud: _I thought better of him and was punished for it._

And what did Dr. Julia Canner do? She smiled. She waved the warning away. She said, _Thank you, but I think I know what I'm doing._ She even had to gall to be condescending when she spoke with her trusty right hand.

She blinks, feeling almost numb to the pain as her eyes prick with shock. She can only manage three words. From the look on his face, she knows even he can tell voicing them was a struggle. And she hates herself for that struggle. She hates herself for the way the words shake coming out of her mouth. She hates herself for letting him get to her. She hates herself for caring, especially as much as she does.

And he hates herself for asking, but she can't help it. She needs to know.

"Who was she?"

.

Mark can't say her name. He can't do that to her—to either of them. But her… He turns his head, staring at the closed wooden door. Somewhere, some place on the other side, she's waiting for him. To come back, to come home, to make things right again. To make them _truly _right. And doing this is the only way how.

So he says her name, for everyone's sake, and turns back just in time to see the hurt flash across his girlfriend's—_or is it ex-girlfriend, now?_—face. He wishes he had waited a second longer before turning. The sight of that pain in her eyes is already burned into his brain.

.

It hits her like a punch in the face. _Lexie. Lexie Grey._

"How…" She wishes she could run away. She wishes she could turn away. She wishes she was stronger; she wishes she could open the door and march out and… "How many times did you sleep together?" She manages to say. "How many times did you cheat on me? When?" She can hear her voice rising even though she didn't tell it to. "When did you—"

"Twice." His voice is crisp and matter-of-fact when he replies. Somewhere in her brain, she realizes that he's using _that voice_—the one every surgeon has, the one that's reserve for next-of-kin notifications. For death. _But I'm not dead, _she finds herself thinking, confused. She realizes a second later: _But_ _our relationship is._

"Last—" He hesitates for only a fraction of a second. "Last night."

With that, the second punch comes, and now, more than anything, more than wishing she could turn away or leave or face him down… She wishes she could_ not care_. She wishes hearing that girl's name on his lips didn't make her heart twist and bleed. She wishes seeing the way he stares at across the room at her—taking in every detail of what she's going through as she processes his words with that uncaring look on his face—didn't make her lungs constrict to the point of not being able to breathe.

But those are wishes, and wishes, it seems, are not coming true today.

Because she knows, better than most, that once he goes back to her, there's nothing else. There's _nothing_ after her. There isn't another chance, there isn't another path, there aren't any other women…. Dr. Julia Canner closes her eyes, realizing belatedly that she should've seen this coming beforehand. _It's always been her._

Her voice is resigned when she next speaks.

"Did you start it?" _You did, didn't you? I knew you would. Everyone knew you would._

.

He pauses to answer, but quickly thinks better of throwing Lexie under the bus. "…It was mutual."

When her eyes flash, bright with anger, he knows he said the wrong thing. He knows the hate is coming. "No shit it was mutual, Mark, but I'm asking you if you _started it_."

"It was mutual."

"So you started it," she concludes. She shakes her head, turning away without words. It takes her a minute to face him again. His eyes widen, unbelieving, when he sees tears in her eyes. "People warned me about you, you know." Her voice is sharp and its edges are cracking. She wishes for the hundredth time that she could be as emotionless as him. "The female half of my nursing staff—my scrub nurse, she, _she _came to me personally. And they all said—"

"Julia…"  
"They all said," she continues, undeterred by his interruption, "they all said that I wasn't supposed to trust you. They all said I'd end up hurt." She pauses to take a breath. "So when I started this thing with you, I thought, 'You know what, let's just start simple, no strings attached, and then see where this goes.'" Her eyes fire up again, and this time she doesn't hold back. Her voice rises, no longer of its own accord and her hands move to shove him, roughly and without a shred of sympathy. "But now there _are _string attached, you ass, because it's been half a _YEAR_!"

.

Lexie Grey is walking away as quickly as she can from that hallway. It took her only a second to register that the shouts ringing through the walls were Dr. Canner's. She turned and fled, knowing she was a coward but not—at this moment, at least—caring what anyone thought. She just had to leave, to get out, to go, go, go.

She can feel the _Cheater _brand burning hot and bright against her skin like a beacon.

_Go, go, go, go, GO—_

Her plan is thwarted not one minute after she starts running. A hand shoots out from an exam room she's passing by, and not having enough time to dodge the appendage, she has no choice but to be pulled into the room.

"Tell me the truth," that previously caring and concerned voice commands, letting go of her wrist and slamming the door shut behind her, "is this your fault?"

"Derek…" Lexie can barely think; her eyes are wild and all she can focus on is escaping again.

But he's blocking the door.

"Is it _your_ _fault_, Lexie?"

"It—"

"—AND YOU GO FUCK YOUR GODDAMN EX FROM A _YEAR_ AGO LIKE I DON'T EVEN _MATTER_—"

Derek Shepherd's eyes snap close at the piercing shout. He sighs, long and tiredly; the fight draining out of him. "Well," he mutters finally, his hand cupping the back of his neck as he looks down. "I guess that answers that."

"Derek," she chokes out, suddenly feeling the need to explain. To _really _explain. "Derek, I never—I never meant to—"

He holds up a hand. "Stop it right there." His eyes flash to hers, and for the first time, she doesn't see that loving brotherly look in them. She only sees betrayed, angry blue fire. "Don't say anything else, Lexie, because you'll just be lying to me."

.

She's been shouting. She can't stop shouting. And he can't quite find it in any part of himself to blame her.

"Did you think of me before you fucked her?"

"Julia—" He tries to interrupt, but her voice only rises, desperate for some kind of answer.

"_During_?" She presses shrilly, pausing only momentarily in her pacing to pierce him with her hurt and angry eyes.

His silence is enough of an answer, and she rocks back on her feet as she processes this. "Oh. Oh I see how this is."

"Julia."

"I meant nothing to you, then? I _mean_ nothing to you, _still_?"

"No, you—"

"You slept with another woman—_twice_—and apparently never spared a single thought for _me_! Your _girlfriend._"

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't _need to_," she grounds out.

He sighs quietly, reaching up to run a hand through his hair. He doesn't know what to say. There's nothing to say. But he also knows he has to speak. "Can't… Can't you see why we need to break up now?"

Her laugh is sharp and biting and he almost recoils at the sound, for it's so unlike her. "Yeah," she drawls, "I see it. I see the reason: so you can screw her with a guilt-free conscience, right? Oh _wait_," she interjects venomously a half-second later. "You already _did_ that, if I'm not mistaken." She glares at him, her hands on her hips. "Well?" She shrieks a second later. "Am I mistaken, Mark?"

.

"You supported me last night," Lexie whispers, staring at her brother-in-law's turned back. "Why can't you do the same this morning?"

Derek turns around slowly, his eyes just as bright and sharp as they were before he turned his back on her. "Why—Why—" He breaks off with a mocking chuckle. "Why I can't support you this _morning, _Lexie, is because you went off last night and seduced him!"

"I—" Lexie breaks off, swallowing her outrage. "How… How do you know he didn't seduce me?"

Derek just rolls his eyes. "_Please_."

"He—He's capable of doing it, you know!" She replies. "He—"

"Lexie, I am fully aware of Mark's capabilities. What I was not fully aware of, apparently, were _yours_."

"Derek…"

"I had no idea." He shakes his head sadly. "After what you told me last night, about how concerned you were about his _girlfriend_—and then you just went and threw it in her face, didn't you?" His blue eyes narrow menacingly. "Tell me, did she walk in on you two like I did in New York with Addison?"

"No! No, we—" She breaks off abruptly, knowing the truth will sound so much worse.

"We what?" Derek prompts, too angry to back off just yet. "What did you two do? How did she find out?"

Lexie looks at her feet when she speaks; she can't bear to look into her brother-in-law's eyes. "We went to a hotel," she whispers to her shoes, knowing how horrible this is going to sound. _But it wasn't like that, _she wants to say. _It wasn't like that at all. It was just a place. It was just _our_ place._ "I… I had him meet me there."

"Jesus _Christ, _Lexie!"

She flinches at his shout, and cringes at the judgment behind his words. "As—As for how she found out," she whispers, forcing herself to continue, "He must've just told her. He—He said he would. But Derek, she never saw us. I never did this because of her. I… I didn't want to hurt you, you have to believe me." She swallows, holding her breath until her brother-in-law meets her eyes. "Derek, I did it because of him. Because I—I love him. That was the only reason."

.

"Look," Mark sighs, "are you really trying to get me to stay? After what happened?"

"You mean after you fucked someone else behind my back?" Julia shouts. "_NO, _I am trying to get you to stay, you—! Argh!" She groans aloud in frustration. "I'm trying to show you what a jackass you are, Mark! Because apparently you have trouble grasping the concept!"

"I already know what I am."

She wants to hit him for being so calm. She wants to punch him in the face, the gut, in the back—anywhere and everywhere she can reach—She wants to _hurt him_—like—like he hurt h—

"Julia…" His voice trails off, and he blinks at her slowly. It takes him a long minute to say the words, and in that time, she imagines marring his pretty face with her fists at least fifteen different ways.

"Julia," he begins again, his serious blue eyes trained on hers, "are you…" She watches, a bit confused, as he seems to struggle to swallow. "Are you… in love with me?"

She feels her mouth fall open, and she can't seem to close it. She no longer wants to hurt him. She doesn't want to hit him or punch him or make him feel the pain she feels…

She wants to _kill _him.

.

"…Julia?" He prompts after a minute. He tilts his head, waiting for an answer. He wants to walk towards her, to shake her shoulder, to get some sign of life out of her… "Did you hear me?"

She mumbles something he can't hear.

He takes a half step forward, leaning his head towards her. "What?" He wonders, curious.

Her voice comes out a ragged whisper as she sits on the cot: "Shut _up_."

His eyes find hers, widening in quiet shock at the unadulterated hatred in her voice. He slowly leans back, but not before—

"AM I IN _LOVE _WITH YOU?" She screams, jumping to her feet. "AM I—AM I—" Her outraged voice chokes off suddenly, and when she doesn't continue immediately, he slowly gets up and moves to the door.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?"

He half-turns, finding her sitting on the bottom bunk again, just like she was when she walked in. Her eyes, dead, find his. "Who the fuck do you think you _are_?" Her voice is stronger this time; he can hear the anger returning twofold.

"Julia…"

"You bring me in here, you tell me you slept with another woman… You see—you _know—_you _know, _Mark, how much that hurt me. I know you do. You can see it, plain as day. But even so—" She lets out a dry laugh. "Even so, you look at me, and you ask—point-blank like the arrogant son of a bitch that you are—whether or not I'm in love with you."

"I—"

"AS IF I EVEN PHYSICALLY _COULD BE _AFTER ALL YOU'VE DONE!"

"Julia, I never—"

"AS IF IT'S EVEN _POSSIBLE!_"

"I never meant to—"

"I don't need your excuses," she spits out. "I need you to go."

"Julia, _really_—"

"I said GO AWAY, Mark, or didn't you HEAR ME?"

He sighs quietly, looking down. He turns away again, reaching for the door's handle. Just before he steps back out into the hallway, though, he looks over his shoulder. He can't help it; he needs to know… And just for the briefest second, her eyes find his. She ducks away immediately, bringing a hand to cover her eyes, but that split-second was enough. Enough to see the hate in her eyes; enough to see the tears on her face. Enough to have his answer, and to know he was wrong to try and judge her feelings towards him before now.

He steps out the door without another word. He knows there's nothing left to say.

.

"I can see this coming from Mark," Derek whispers, still looking shell-shocked, "but never you. Not you, Lexie. You're better than this. You're—"

"I love him, Derek."

"Oh?" He bites out a mocking laugh. "That's your excuse?" His voice lowers. "_Find a better one_."

She calls after him, desperate, as he stalks his way to the door. "Derek—"

He spins around like a top. "This is so far beneath you, Lexie Grey," he snarls immediately. "This is…" He closes his eyes, and she welcomes the reprieve from his horribly judgmental but also morally _right _eyes. "I almost wouldn't believe it," he begins again, so much quieter now. "If I hadn't heard her—" His jaw tenses; she knows if she were Mark, she'd most likely have a bruise or two on her cheek already for how she's handled this situation. "If I hadn't heard her shouting at him, I would never have believed you would do something like this. But—" he jerks his head to the door "—there's the proof."

"Derek… Please…"

"Just so we're clear," he cuts in through her weak begging, "I _never _told you to do this. I never told you to approach him in that way, never told you to take advantage like that… I _told you_ to tell him you loved him, and I _told you_ to go about doing that the _right _way—I did _not _say bring him to the nearest motel for a midnight fuck!"

"That wasn't what it wa—"

"Of course that's what it was, Lexie!" He's nearly shouting now. Lexie watches as he takes a moment, steps back, and harnesses his anger. "You said you told him to meet you at a hotel," he murmurs a minute later. His tired blue eyes find her desperate brown ones. "Lexie, what else in the world could it be?"

"It…" She swallows, not knowing what to say. _How can I make him understand?_ "It—It was The Archfield," she admits finally. She waits for recognition to flicker across the neurosurgeon's face, but of course nothing comes. It takes Lexie a few seconds to remember that he doesn't know about those early days. Still. "And it—that hotel, it's not just a hotel, Derek. Not to… Not to us."

He waits half a minute before biting. "What do you mean?" He wonders tiredly.

"The—The Archfield, it was where we used to go, him and I. When we… When we first got together," Lexie whispers, "it was because I showed up at his hotel room. That first time, I—I invited myself in, I started it, he…" She closes her eyes. "Derek, you have to believe me… Last night was just like that first night: I started it all."

"I have a _very _hard time believing that, Little Grey."

"It's the truth."

"Fantastic," he replies without emotion. "But I still don't believe it."

Lexie watches him turn around and leave, not having any other words to make him stop. She played her biggest card and it didn't work. She sighs in defeat.

She only hopes Mark had better luck with Julia.

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_Author's Note: Please review! I know we're all still in shock from the show, but it would be amazing if you could tell me what you thought of the chapter!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

_Author's Note: Thank you all for your reviews! Quick question to anon "DahliaAvers," what did you mean in your review? I couldn't understand your middle sentence, about something being cliché and you hoping Lexie would…something? And anon "anon," I agree with you. But sometimes people are asses._

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7: 35 PM, Archfield Hotel

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"Can I buy you a drink?"

His inquiry is low and quiet; clearly meant for her ears only.

"I don't want a drink." She stares ahead, her eyes tracing the letters of the labels on each bottle of liquor on the bar. If she hadn't replied, he would have thought she was doing so just to blatantly ignore him.

"Can I take you home, then?"

Lexie purses her lips in a hard line for a few seconds before finally turning in her chair to face him. "I heard her shouting, Mark." She speaks before either has a chance to even recognize the other. He grimaces slightly, shifting in his seat as he realizes just how loud Julia's side of the conversation must've been. "Lex..."

"And everyone knows," she continues in a whisper. "Everyone knows what we did, everyone knows you left her for me, that you left because we slept together last night."

"I left her for more than just sex," he defends himself softly.

"I know that," Lexie sighs. She takes a moment, finally looking into his eyes and noting the concern that colors their grey-blue surface. "But not everyone else does."

"Who cares what other people think?" He asks. "What does it matter—"

"It matters because _I_ care!" Lexie protests, more passionately than she'd intended. "I care, Mark! It matters to _me _what other people think!"

"Okay..." He draws out the world slowly, shifting in his seat again, but doing so this time to face her more fully. He looks her dead-on in the eyes, intent on showing her how serious he is about this second chance they've given themselves. "What can I do, then? Do you want me to broadcast the truth to the whole hospital?"

"No," Lexie mumbles, automatically looking away the second he gets earnest. "There's nothing you can do. It's just..." She sighs, studying the bar's wooden countertop. "Derek hates me," she finally settles on, picking the first problem she could think of.

Mark frowns. "Why would Derek hate you?" He wonders aloud. "What does he have to do with any of this?"

"Because... Because he's the reason I found the guts to call you and—and tell you that I still love you—"

"I should send him a thank-you card," Mark notes.

Her voice snaps like a whip. "This isn't a joke, Mark."

"I know," he replies. "I was serious."

She shakes her head, already fed up with his sarcastic behavior. "Never mind," she mutters, pushing away from the bar and putting her feet on the ground again. "You don't get it."

He's by her side in an instant, his hand grabbing onto her arm. She doesn't shake him off as he'd expected; instead, she stills beneath his light touch. Her eyes fall closed as she whispers, "What are we going to do?"

"What do you mean, 'What are we going to do?'" He repeats. "We can do anything we want."

"We—"

"We slept together. While I was dating someone else. But I broke up with her—" He pauses to look Lexie in the eye "—so now there's no conflict anymore."

"Tell that to Julia," Lexie mutters morosely. "I'm sure she wants to kill me."

"She wants to kill _me,_" Mark corrects, "not you."

Lexie's eyebrows furrow, and as she turns to him for further explanation, his hand falls from her arm. "What do you mean? I started it."

"She doesn't know that."

"You didn't tell her—?"

He shakes his head. "There was no point," he replies softly, "because that would have only made things worse for you."

"But she—"

"You're my priority, Lex."

Lexie stares up into his honest blue eyes for a moment before ducking her head again. "She deserved to know what happened," Lexie returns quietly. "If I were her…"

Mark shakes his head again. "She wouldn't have wanted to know."

"But you made her think you went after me," Lexie replies. "When what really happened—"

"Honestly, Lex," he interrupts in exasperation, "I thought it would sound better coming off as a quick night with an ex-girlfriend than…" He looks away for a moment. "What it was."

Lexie holds her breath. "And what was it, exactly?"

Mark turns back, staring at her. A second later, he takes her hand, leading her out of the bar and through the hotel lobby. They come to a stop just a few feet from the front door, away from any prying eyes or ears. He stares into her dark brown eyes for what seems to be an eternity before he speaks.

"Last night," he begins softly, "was one of the most important times of my life." He blinks, and even with the momentary reprieve from his penetrating gaze, Lexie can't find her breath. "It was me reconciling with the woman I love. It was me… coming back to you, once and for all. Despite the situation, despite her… I still came back. Because—I need you in my life, _really _in my life."

Lexie closes her eyes, trying not to let his words seep into her heart too quickly. "I… I'm sorry I put you in that position," she whispers, still not looking at him. "I'm sorry I called, I'm sorry I invited you inside and—and—"

"And made me the happiest I've been in months?"

His words make her eyes flash open in surprise. "Mark…" She whispers, awestruck and scared.

"And made me finally feel like me again, finally whole?"

"Please…"

"I don't regret it, Lex. Not for a second. I don't regret anything we did—"

"You have to regret _something_," Lexie butts in.  
Mark stares at her for a moment, hard, obviously wanting to contest her statement. But he finally just fives in. "Fine," he allows. "I regret how it was handled after the fact, how I told her. But other than that…" He gives her a small smile, stepping forward and reaching for her hand. She lets his fingers slide between her own, relishing in the feel of his skin against hers again. Try as she might to not think about their liaison the previous night, his touch evokes nothing but those thoughts, remembrances, memories… _Don't go. Please don't go._

"I don't regret a thing. I couldn't. I couldn't regret something that brought you back to me."

She bites her lip at his words, forcing him and his light, innocent touch not to get the better of her. "Even—Even if it was cheating?" She manages to ask.

He nods. "Even so." He takes a breath, watching her. "And I don't care what other people think, Lex. I care what _you _think and I care what _I _think." His blue eyes sharpen. "But no one else. Not Derek, not Meredith, not Julia… They aren't a part of this. It's you and me here, okay? Just you and me."

She stares back, taking in his words and searching his open face for lies. She finds none. "Okay," she whispers back, squeezing his hand in soft reassurance.

"Wanna go home?" He asks quietly, his eyes resting intently on hers. "To talk about this some more?"

A tentative smile spreads over her face. "Okay," she nods, following him to the door. "Let's go."

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"You know," he murmurs nearly an hour later, as they lie side-by-side facing each other in bed, "I honestly can't say I'm sorry." He meant it as a compliment, but the second he saw her eyes close, he knew that's not how she perceived it. "Lex," he begins, reaching out to her across the still-made bed. "Lex—"

"You can't say that," Lexie cuts in, her voice shaking with what he's sure is anger. His hand pauses on its journey between them. "What she said to you, it must, it must've made some kind of impact. It must've—meant something. It must've made you feel regret. Mark, you can't just pretend that she didn't matter—"

"And I'm not." The lines of his face draw together to form an insulted picture. "I'm not saying she didn't matter, Lexie, I've never said that. She's a person, so of course she mattered. And she was my girlfriend, so she mattered even more… But I was just saying that, even though it was hard and even though it hurt her… Lex, I don't regret it. I…" He looks down for a moment, and she zeroes in on him as his voice falters. "I _can't_."

Even though she knows she shouldn't, Lexie feels the smallest smile tug up the corners of her lips. "Because of me?" She finds herself whispering, unconsciously leaning towards him.

He nods slowly. "Yeah." Even more slowly, he reaches out, resting his warm palm on the side of her neck. "Yeah," he whispers again, threading his first and second fingers through her dark hair, "because of you."

She closes her eyes, letting her head fall forward to get closer to him.

He stretches forward, letting his lips touch her on both cheeks, but not the mouth. "You're the reason I have no regrets," he whispers against her skin, his warm breath heating her cheeks.

He waits until she opens her eyes to speak.

"And I want you to know," he tells her softly, "that what happened with you last night, that… Lex, that was the first time I'd ever cheated on someone, or done any type of wrong, while knowing that truly_… Truly_, I was doing the right thing. Truly, it was right."

Her eyes fall closed sadly. "Mark," she whispers, sure knowing they're headed for an early disaster with sentiments like these. "Mark, it really…"

"Hey," he mutters, firming up his grip on the back of her neck for a second to grab her attention, "I know what we talked about last night. I know you were certain none of this was right, and—one some level—you _were_ right."

"On the only level that counted, I was right," Lexie counters.

His blue eyes invade hers with their seriousness. "So what I feel for you doesn't count?" He questions. "And what you feel for me? You told me you loved me; you told me it felt right. That doesn't count? That doesn't matter?"

She doesn't reply.

"In a way," he tries again, softer this time, "anything and everything we've ever done together was the wrong thing. You showing up at the hotel, my inviting you back over, all our secret meetings in the hospital and in Meredith's attic… It was all wrong on some level, Lexie." He stares at her. "But it was also right, wasn't it? You can't deny that it was right at the time."

"This is different," Lexie replies stubbornly, averting her eyes and staring at the foot of the bed. "This was cheating. Back then…Back then was just you and me."

"I know," he agrees. "But last night…" He gives her a small smile. "It was only me and you last night. It's only you and me right now. Just like I said. And," he adds, "I'm telling you the truth when I say thi: last night was the only time I've ever cheated on someone _knowing_ that it was the right thing, _knowing_ that the woman I was sleeping with was the one that mattered most." He leans forward, leveling their faces. "The one that I was in love with." His hands move to cup her cheeks fully. "The one that I don't ever want to be without."

"It still…" She looks down, forcing herself to hold back. "It still wasn't right."

"I know that." He waits until her eyes meet his. "It _wasn't _right." He pauses a beat, studying her. "But right now? _This_ is right."

Lexie swallows, searching his eyes, his face, his soul… Trying to find something to tell her to back off, to stay away… Because she can't do it herself. She can't leave again, she can't give up on them again, no matter how bad things get. But after a minute, she realizes that there's nothing. There's no reason to stay away, no reason to slow down. Not now.

So she leans forward and lets her lips cover his in silent affirmation of his words. He pulls her close immediately, one hand cupping her neck as the other guides her waist towards his. She whispers _I love you _into the kiss when she finds a break, and it isn't a second later that he replies, matching her word for word.

"Thank you for telling her." She pulls back to speak, making sure to look him in the eyes.

He smiles at the gratefulness all over her face. He reaches up, his hands cupping her cheeks, to kiss her forehead firmly. "You're welcome," he whispers in reply. His eyes fall to hers. "I wish it had happened sooner."

"Me too," Lexie mumbles.

"But you're here now," he replies, reaching out and brushing a section of her bangs back into place. She can't help but smile at the gesture. "And that's all that matters."

"All that matters," she agrees softly, dipping her mouth to his again.

And then they pull each other closer, losing themselves in agreement for the rest of the night and discovering, once again, the rightness they'd always found when in each other's arms.

**_._**

**_And she only sleeps when it's raining_**

**_And she screams and her voice is strained and she says_**

**_"Baby, it's 3 AM, I must be lonely"_**

**_Well, heavens, she says, "Baby,"_**

**_Well, I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes._**

**_And the rain's gonna wash away, I believe… this._**

**_._**

_Author's Note: I know, it was a short, quick chapter… And I believe with it, I'm done with this story. I know some of you might've wanted some Derek/Lexie conflict resolution, but this story has always been more about Mark/Lexie resolution than anything else… As is the trend in all my stories, I guess. So thank you all for reading; I hope you liked how it ended!_

_Please leave me a review!_


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